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Castle Realm

Master, Mentor, Trainer, Protector

MasterJohn's explanation of the correct use of the terms "protector, mentor, trainer, and Master" from the classic viewpoint of someone formally trained in the European and Oriental style

#Ithaka_Bound / DalNet / Mon Jan 27 20:10:39 1997

(RTSade) Well John when ever you deem it time you may begin
(MasterJohn) Thank you
(MasterJohn) Before i start with the topic, let me introduce myself.
(MasterJohn) I am Master John, a trained Master of Euro-Oriental family
(MasterJohn) I have been in this lifestyle since I was 22 years old
(MasterJohn) I am now 51
(MasterJohn) I have one sub
(MasterJohn) One girl petitioning
(MasterJohn) to come under contract
(MasterJohn) Two girls I mentor
(MasterJohn) And one Domme whose hand I am holding as she learns to express herself
(MasterJohn) The words I'm going to discuss tonight will be my opinions and how I was taught
(MasterJohn) They are meant for information. I do not intend to either argue or justify my belief in them.
(MasterJohn) I will, however, openly discuss any of your ideas or concerns of how I view these.
(MasterJohn) Let us start with the easy one
(MasterJohn) A protector, by Webster
(MasterJohn) Webster's definition, is one who defends or shields another from injury
(MasterJohn) In the protocols of BDSM formal lifestyle, a protector is one who is entrusted with the care of another's property (sub/slave) while they are traveling.
(MasterJohn) A protector is also one who, when asked, will take the place of the Master at any function the Master cannot attend and will assume only those duties that the Master so prescribes.
(MasterJohn) A mentor, by Webster's definition, is a wise advisor, a teacher, or a coach.
(MasterJohn) Mentor: Webster's definition is a wise advisor, teacher or coach.
(MasterJohn) In the BDSM formal lifestyle, a mentor is usually one who answers the questions of a sub in training
(MasterJohn) A mentor is usually used hand-in-hand with a trainer where the mentor is usually the friend/confidant of the sub/slave/student
(MasterJohn) A mentor usually does not work a sub/slave/student although that is a negotiation between the student/sub/slave and a mentor and/or Master
(MasterJohn) Unfortunately, the advent of the multimedia online has confused and blurred the definitions of mentor and trainer
(MasterJohn) A trainer, per Webster's, is from train (vt.), to guide the growth of, to guide the mental, moral development of, to instruct so as to make proficient
(MasterJohn) In the BDSM formal lifestyle, a trainer is one who is responsible for the growth and development of a new sub
(MasterJohn) It is the responsibility of the trainer to give the sub as many and varied experiences as are necessary to assure her full development and comfortableness within the rigors of the BDSM lifestyle and those of her Master
(MasterJohn) Also, a trainer may be sought by a Master for specialized training of their sub/slave when it is the feeling of the Master that the training will be such that the caring relationship between the Master and the sub/slave might be jeopardized by the training
(MasterJohn) As you can gather, there are times when a trainer is not the best-loved person in this lifestyle
(Guest1) or perhaps if the Master is not proficient in a particular aspect of BDSM?
(MasterJohn) A trainer must always, IMO, keep in mind that delicate balance between being the trainer and dominant and being destructively domineering
(MasterJohn) Good point, Guest1
(MasterJohn) Thank you
(MasterJohn) Usually, the student/sub/slave of a trainer is referred to as "girl" or "boy," obviously depending on gender
(MasterJohn) I forgot to mention that up until recently there has been no word coined for what the slave/student/sub of a mentor is...we are starting to use the word "ward" to identify that person
(MasterJohn) In my case specifically, and in a lot of trainers I know, sexual favors, i.e., intercourse, are not part of the training program
(MasterJohn) For others it is an integral part
(MasterJohn) What a trainer covers is either a negotiation between the girl and them or between the girl's Master and them
(MasterJohn) A trainer normally will not overstep any stated boundaries
(MasterJohn) Normally, training is done by a written agreement
(RTSade) I take it then that the Mentor and or Master/Mistress may have some decision or say so in how a sub should be trained even if they refer to a Trainer to perform the task, yes?
(MasterJohn) As we all know, there is no such thing as an enforceable agreement in the BDSM lifestyle
(MasterJohn) Now for the hard one.
(Guest1) Yes, but the written form *does* lend more formality to the relationship, no?
(MasterJohn) A Master, by Webster's, is a man who rules others or has control over, the head of a household
(MasterJohn) It also in verb transient means one who has become an expert
(MasterJohn) Yes, Guest1, in any form, a contract or an agreement does lend to making it more of a formal relationship, and it is my opinion that Masters and trainers should have such
(MasterJohn) RTSade, yes, the Master should. Usually, a mentor does not have the right to negotiate directly with a trainer, but if they are referring a sub/slave/student, are normally welcome in the negotiations.
(MasterJohn) Now, this is where Master as a word lends itself to monumental confusion.
(MasterJohn) I am a Master. That is a title given to me by the family that trained me. I carry it proudly.
(MasterJohn) A Master can be the head of a household. Therefore, any sub can call the head of her household Master and be perfectly correct.
(MasterJohn) Any slave feeling she is owned by another can correctly refer to them as her Master.
(MasterJohn) Any person in the BDSM scene lifestyle who is proficient in any of the tools can, by right, call themselves a Master of that tool.
(MasterJohn) Now comes the multimedia online community, leaving itself open to anyone who can type 6 letters being deemed a Master.
(MasterJohn) IMO, no one can call themselves a Master unless they are either proficient in the use of any of the tools of our trade or who has undergone a "formalized" training program and when the family training them feels they are adequate, bestows upon them the title of Master.
(Guest1) In the former case... who is to say then... the supposed Master?
(MasterJohn) Guest1 .... please restate
(Guest1) Well if one feels they are proficient in the use of a tool... they may call themselves Master?... on the basis of their own opinion?
(MasterJohn) Usually one who calls himself a Master with a tool has been through a course similar to Black Rose, PEP, TPE or similar, and has spent more time perfecting the usage.
(MasterJohn) It is something that the person takes upon themselves and from my experience in the R/T scene world, they are closely watched.
(Guest1) I suppose it is difficult to keep track tho... no Master's Degree, so to speak....
(MasterJohn) Guest1 .... that is why for some of us who have been in this many years, the way the word Master is treated in the online community is so confusing.
(Guest1) As you say John... any who claim to be a Master, can be one online
(Guest1) and that is sad
(MasterJohn) Please understand that these are my definitions and the way I was taught. Every formal family has a different way of defining the roles and the titles. If you ask you will find similarities in each, but I doubt if we all will agree.
(MasterJohn) Any questions please
(RTSade) In your opinion John is it feasible for a Master or Mistress to also assume the role of trainer at their discretion?
(MasterJohn) I think that all Masters or Mistresses have to be a trainer (of sorts) for it is their job to move a sub towards the most total person they can be.
(MasterJohn) RT ... I hope I have helped. Does anyone have any other questions?
(LordColm) MasterJohn, my pet has a question she'd like to ask of you, if you'd be so kind.
(RTSade) A fine job you have done here this evening.
(MasterJohn) Please ask
* LordColm nods to jade...Go ahead, pet.
* jade{LC} lowers her eyes respectfully...Thank You, Master...and MasterJohn
(MasterJohn) jade .... you are most welcome
(jade{LC}) MasterJohn, Sir, I was formally trained in a family...I'm confused by the sex that occurs in the training of submissives..this was never permitted in the household I was in, Sir
(MasterJohn) It is not permitted in most houses, nor by most families that I know of. Unfortunately, in the world we live in today, it seems that D/s BDSM and sex are continually confused.
* LordColm smiles broadly, nodding in agreement.
(jade{LC}) Yes, Sir..I agree...I'm shocked by the online "scene"...
(LordColm) MasterJohn, my pet and I feel exactly as you do. We value the formal aspects of the lifestyle and are dismayed at how it has been denigrated online...can you offer some suggestions on how Dom/mes can obtain training?
(MasterJohn) jade .... it is one of the things that I try to stress with my "girls" and although I do believe that sexual gratification should be theirs, it is not my place to provide it to them, but keep it for my sub.
(jade{LC}) Yes, MasterJohn, my family felt the same way...
(MasterJohn) LordColm .... that is becoming harder and harder to find. There is another family in the Balt/DC area that is proficient in the EuroClassic D/s style and does also train Dom/mes.
(MasterJohn) I know of few across the country who still train Dom/mes because of the time and impatience of dominants.
* LordColm nods. I understand completely. As regards training, one of the delicate matters which must be considered is how to minimize the chance of the sub bonding with the one training.
(jade{LC}) I can speak on that...It's very difficult, MasterJohn...on both the trainer and the submissive
(MasterJohn) jade .... I can personally attest that it is tough on the trainer.
(MasterJohn) One thing we need to remember .... that this is a highly intimate lifestyle .... we do not need to act on our baser instincts.
(jade{LC}) no matter how careful my family was concerning the bonding it still became an issue...for both Him and Her...and myself
(MasterJohn) I would be lying if I said there is not a great deal of love and care for my "girls" and my "wards" .... as a Master I must always remember that I, not them, am responsible
(MasterJohn) RT .... thank you for inviting me, and with your permission, I will take my leave.

Copyright©1997 Lord Colm

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